The day ends on a un-sad note. But there are a few disappointments. A few promises, broken as the blog title suggests. A no show and no breaking away from the cycle of useless and sometimes malignant actions. There is a pattern in my actions. I maybe don’t need to do a lot of learning, but a simple understanding. There must be a trigger (or a combination of simple ones) which I can prevent to halt my fall. I don’t seem to find it. I am lost and the more I walk, the more I get lost, as in:
ਸਾਕਤ ਹਰਿ ਰਸ ਸਾਦੁ ਨ ਜਾਣਿਆ ਤਿਨ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਹਉਮੈ ਕੰਡਾ ਹੇ ॥
The wicked shaaktas, the faithless cynics, do not know the Taste of the Lord’s Sublime Essence. The thorn of egotism is embedded deep within them.
ਜਿਉ ਜਿਉ ਚਲਹਿ ਚੁਭੈ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ ਜਮਕਾਲੁ ਸਹਹਿ ਸਿਰਿ ਡੰਡਾ ਹੇ ॥੨॥
The more they walk away, the deeper it pierces them, and the more they suffer in pain, until finally, the Messenger of Death smashes his club against their heads.
I can understand the thorn in the foot but will still walk example. Not tending to your wound and exposing it will make it worse. Not only we have ego within us, we expose ourselves to anger and attachment.
I think our thinking is like a wheel, if it turns in one direction it will keep on turning there again and again. Like a cycle, over and over. Day after night, night after day. To change our direction, we have to stop. Make our angular velocity zero. And then move towards the right direction. I sometimes think that part of my day was spent in ‘good’ tasks and some in wrong tasks. If one task is wrong, the rest were also motivated by pathetic aspirations. The world is made up of shades of grey, but the spiritual world is totally white. And if you are not all white, then all your actions are in the opposite loop:
ਖੋਟੇ ਪੋਤੈ ਨਾ ਪਵਹਿ ਤਿਨ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਰ ਦਰਸੁ ਨ ਹੋਇ ॥
The counterfeit coins are not put into the Treasury; they do not obtain the Blessed Vision of the Lord-Guru.
ਖੋਟੇ ਜਾਤਿ ਨ ਪਤਿ ਹੈ ਖੋਟਿ ਨ ਸੀਝਸਿ ਕੋਇ ॥
The false ones have no social status or honor. No one succeeds through falsehood.
ਖੋਟੇ ਖੋਟੁ ਕਮਾਵਣਾ ਆਇ ਗਇਆ ਪਤਿ ਖੋਇ ॥੩॥
Practicing falsehood again and again, people come and go in reincarnation, and forfeit their honor.
Most of the shabads talk about Liv Laaye. It is not about thinking a few good thoughts and doing a few good actions in a day. It is about attuning yourself to His Will. Like in this Shabad:
ਇਹੁ ਜਨਮੁ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਪਾਇ ਕੈ ਹਿਰ ਨਾਮੁ ਨ ਚੇਤੈ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਇ ॥
The blessing of this human life has been obtained, but still, people do not lovingly focus their thoughts on the Name of the Lord.
Today maybe I have learnt a valuable lesson. One mistake in a day, means all my other actions were inherent lies and falsehood. I don’t know how long I have to be free from the ills. But I have to be free from now and for ever. Again and again, my wrongs shall truly guide me.